Malcolm at THE END

Following the unexpected success of My Cat Burrp, Frank "Myunez" has been in hot demand. Shortly after winning the 2012 Open Wheel Toyota Pro/Celebrity Race, Frank was approached by long time director friend Linwood Boomer about starring in his apocalyptic Fox network reboot "Malcolm at THE END".

According to Myunez, Boomer appeared "wild-eyed, drug crazed, and more than a little embarrassing in front of my race buddies" while raving about the new show that was going to save network television and usher in the next wave of doomsayer sitcoms in the 21 century. 

"You gotta help me Malc <gulp>
...
Frankie, FRANKIE! Haha,  
that's your name, isn't it? 
DAMMIT, I MADE YOU!"

Malcolm at THE END revolves around events in the lives of the Wilkerson family post-2012 Armageddon, as the global economy is slowly spiraling down the cosmic toilet, and everyone must eek out a humiliating existence before an impending death. The typical dysto-punk trappings are here in full force, but the series is less concerned with style as it is with characters.

Hal develops cancer in the first episode from high radiation exposure at his job as a demolition grunt. This role works out well for star Bryan Cranston, who found a lull in his busy schedule on the set of Breaking Bad Season 5 to make his appearances. According to some inside sources, significant tension has formed between Cranston and Boomer regarding Cranston's distasteful "Brando antics" on and off camera. Thankfully, minimal costume and makeup is needed to get the already fully shorn and emaciated Cranston looking like a post-apocalypse melanoma sufferer.

"You don't even know my real name.
I'm the fucking Lizard King."

By the second episode, the show reveals that Lois died in the riots of December 18. Actress Jane Kaczmarek haunts the show as a disembodied voice that forms the overgrown conscience of each of the boys, including Hal. The family keeps her ashes in a 3D-imaged Obama cremation urn above the TV, which they fear as if she was still alive and over-acting.

"BOYSSSS!!!!"

Dewey is a chronically depressed college dropout that spends most of his time wandering around on heavy psychedelic drugs. This seems a natural progression for his character, even if the end-of-the-world schtick was left out of the show entirely.

Reese, as you might expect, thrives in the post-apocalypse environment as a renown Jesus-freak arms dealer and slumlord. He dons a bloodstained leather getup and drives a maniac truck festooned with the bones of "heathen back-talkers". Basically, he's Mel Gibson.

"Soon my dog of war…Jesus is coming, and when he 
gets here a carpet of Jew pubes shall tickle his toes."

Meanwhile, Francis bides his time at the Grotto ranch in Arizona, having inherited the property after the untimely dismemberment of Otto Mannkusser. Reese keeps Francis alive through his network of "Waste Dogs", but the protection fees eventually cripple Francis' operation, and he is forced to relinquish the grounds to a local militia. This sparks a bitter feud between Francis and Reese that climaxes in the finale.


Daniel von Bargen makes a come back as Francis' former military school instructor Commandant Spangler, who comes to live with Francis at the Grotto ranch for a few episodes. Francis is coerced into tending to the incontinent shell of a man as penance for the many offenses done to Spangler during Francis' days at the academy.

"Yes, don't all of us broken men find out at some
point in our scar-tissued lives that karma is just a big
steaming puddle of papa's diarrhea?"

 And that brings us to Malcolm...yeah, he's about the same.

"It's M-y-u-n-e-z, Boomer. MYUNEZ.
No, it's not Portuguese for mayonnaise,
what the fuck is wrong with you?"