It's been a long time since his tenure as the penis-haircutted host of MTV's Singled Out, but in recent years, obnoxiously self-proclaiming self-proclaimed nerd, Chris Hardwick has resurfaced with a successful podcast and as the non-penis-haircutted host of AMC's the Talking Dead, a show which focuses on all the totally nerdy things nerds who watch AMC's original nerd-series the Walking Dead like to nerd-out about--like zombies and how much liking zombies totally makes them nerds! But on top of all these projects, Hardwick also has a new movie coming out--one which attempts to prove what no one has ever cared enough to contest: whether or not Chris Hardwick is a nerd.
In Chris Hardwick's new documentary, The Hardwick Chronicles, shot by and starring himself as the film's sole subject, Chris Hardwick runs through a laundry-list of reasons and set-up nerd-scenarios trying to prove that he is a nerd. The film never makes it clear who exactly Hardwick is trying to prove his nerd-status to--but that's part of the mystery and, ultimately, what makes the documentary--and all films that I don't understand--so compelling--because if I don't get a film, it must be smart.
Mostly, the film resembles the type of video paranoid baby-boomer dads shoot for insurance purposes, with Hardwick going through his apartment and proudly showing off each and every one of his totally nerdy possessions, as if, at any moment, a fire might rip through the apartment and burn away all physical evidence of Chris Hardwick's uncontested (because nobody cares) nerdiness--the pre-Episode I Star Wars figurines; the 500 piece S.S. Enterprise replica puzzle-model; the mail-order light-saber with a note of authenticity ink-stamped by George Lucas's double-chin; and so on.
"I wanted an R2-D2, but I settled for a Droid. Right, guys? Nerd-humor."
The film opens with Hardwick on the couch watching a Star Wars spin-off cartoon on his X-Box-synced HD TV. There is a camera on him--which can be seen in a painfully obvious mirror reflection in the background. The camera is resting on a tripod, with no one behind it (indicating that Hardwick set the shot up himself)--while Hardwick pretends that he doesn't know he is being filmed. "Oh," Hardwick says, grabbing the remote. "I didn't see you there." He pauses the movie and casually runs his hand through his hair, resting his arm in front of the camera longer than necessary to display the Night of the Living Dead tattoo on his forearm. "Heh. I was just watching this Star Wars spin-off series for, like, the millionth time. Whatever. I'm a nerd."
And that--"I'm a nerd"--is pretty much the film's central refrain.
Scenes abound of Hardwick setting up faux-awkward shots in which the camera (which he's clearly set up himself) catches him in the act of doing this or that Hot Topic-approved nerd activity: watching anime, talking like a pirate, walking through the house like a zombie, muttering "brains!", et. al., followed by Hardwick frump-mugging at the camera and saying: "Man. I am such a nerd!"
In one scene, Hardwick is playing Dungeons & Dragons with his nerd-friends, who may or may not have been hired to play Hardwick's nerd-friends for the movie. He looks around the table, from one mouth-breathing nerd to the next, then looks up at the camera, at the same time dangling a near-empty brick of Mountain Dew Game Fuel at his side. "Boy--look at us! Here we are, playin' D&D. Slammin' the Game Fuel. We're such nerds!" There is a strain in his voice as he says this, looking once again around the table, hoping someone will parrot back the sentiment or at least cough up a pity-grunt to acknowledge that they heard what he said. "Right, guys??" Hardwick tries again, and you can almost see the desperation coming out in beads of Game Fuel sweat on his forehead. Finally, one of Hardwick's friends asks: "Are you ok, man?" as Hardwick nervously titters before cutting to the next scene.
"It's not enough to lie to people and tell them I dream in zombies the way first-year Spanish students sometimes dream in Spanish. I have to take these ready-made Tumblr shots of me holding up Pi--because when people see Pi they know I'm for real."
In spite of the film being Hardwick's unwatchable attempt at advertising his nerdiness via talking about things real-life nerds do sometimes but don't feel compelled to advertise, I will say that the film succeeds, whether it intends to or not, at demonstrating the lengths one man will go to prove something nobody cares about. I can say with full Internet-authority that I have not seen a more accurate, close-to-life, portrayal of real-life nerdiness since my grandma recommended the Big Bang Theory to me on Facebook--and you know those guys are for real because all the plug-and-chug sitcom jokes end in punchlines about comic books and science!
Haha, nice! This is a good primer for your nerd culture assimilation/dilution article.
ReplyDeleteYeah. I don't know. I feel like I said everything I wanted to say about the nerd-fad thing with this post--or came pretty close to saying everything I wanted to say.
ReplyDeleteThe hatred festered long enough that I finally hate-jizzed this fake review all over Chris Hardwick's face-of-the-Hot-Topic-nerd-fad face. Unfortunate for him that he had to be my target (because I actually like some of the stuff he does, like the podcast--and when I was, like, 10 I thought he was the funniest person alive as the host of Singled Out)--but I had to pick someone. Casualties of satire, I guess.