A big part of the movie-watching experience for me is not just the movie itself, as an objective piece of art/cinema/whatever, but my reaction to the movie, as well--which manifests itself in a number of forms--most commonly, though, through the running commentary-track in my mind, in which I make notes to myself regarding dialogue, plot, references, etc.or take Mystery Science Theater-style pop-shots at what's happening on-screen. Sometimes, when I'm with friends, I am able to voice selections from this running commentary track, which, in its own sick, sad and pathetic way, makes me fee like I'm exorcising the shit-demons festering in my movie-watching sub-conscious. However, my friends aren't always around when I watch movies, so a lot of the time, what I notice goes, tragically (because what I have to say about movies is super-important in the grand scheme of everything), unshared or undocumented--or, I'll pick one thing that really sticks out to me about the movie I'm watching and text a friend who more often than not won't respond because, understandably, they have better things to do than respond to my pop-culture obsessed bullshit.
Last night, however, because I've been saddled with the task of "taking it easy" after a grueling all-day stay at the ER, I decided to watch a movie on Netflix--but unlike past movie-watching adventures and because I was all alone watching this movie, with no one around to trade commentary, I decided to document all my observations about the movie on an already-open Notepad document, thus saving my friends the burden of sifting through a novel's worth of 7 pg. texts relating to my highly-specific movie-watching experience ("Hey, bud. Want to hear all my bullshit musings about this movie I'm watching that you're not?").
I like this method--of posting stray observations and musings--for several reasons. A.) Because it saves me the trouble of reconfiguring them into one, coherent movie review. B.) Because it allows me to say everything I want to about the movie and my experience with the movie, without having to sacrifice anything to fit the movie review mold. And, finally, C.) it forces me to pay closer attention to the movie, even if that means pausing it every few minutes or so to record my observations--which is sort of a lazier version of what I was taught to do (and what most legitimate a.k.a. "professional" movie critics do anyway) in my film theory class in college.
The movie I watched is called Klown, a 2010 Danish film that is apparently based on a successful Danish sitcom. Going into this, I did not know that it was A.) Danish or B.) based on a sitcom. The only thing I knew about it was that I added it to the Netflix instant queue two months ago after reading a review of it on the AV Club's website, which I do pretty often, thinking: one day, I'll get around to watching all of these movies. At the time I added it, I remember reading something in the AV Club's review--and seeing the trailer--which made me excited about the movie. I'm too lazy to find the original article, but I'm sure going back to it, I'd be able to pick out the exact phrase that piqued my interest and made me add the film to the instant queue.
I only say this because, as you can see from my notes, at several points I wonder if this film is Danish or if it hails from some other Northern European country. To make the note-taking/movie-watching experience more exciting for me (and because I feel like shit after my ER visit--i.e. too lazy to do anything beyond watch a movie and take notes, which, in itself, is kind of hard to do in my current state), I forced myself not to (though, the urge was strong) open up any other tabs so I can do my typical Internet movie-research as I'm watching a movie and ruining it for myself at the same time by doing Internet movie-research. A lot of what I jotted down pertained to things I wanted to look up later--but a lot of it was me making notes of what the film reminded me of, in terms of style, plot and tone.
As you can see, I was "right" about a lot of things. According to Wikipedia, a lot of critics have mentioned the the Hangover and Curb Your Enthusiasm influence, which I also mention in my notes. And, if I can be self-congratulating for a moment, the Wikipedia page also mentions that the movie might be remade in America with the Hangover director Todd Phillips as a possible director, which mirrors what I say at the 22 minute-mark: "When this movie gets re-made in America, Zach Galifianakis will play the 12 year-old boy and it will be called the Hangover 4." So, pat on my back!
Anyway, without further adieu...I give you the Lazy-Man's Movie Review Or: My Notes While Watching Klown:
(Note: As you can see, when I'm writing down notes or jotting down ideas on my laptop, I rarely use correct punctuation or grammar because I have my own highly-idiosyncratic form of grammar that accommodates my note-taking laziness.
Also: I went back and added links to all the things I mention but which I forbid myself from looking up, so that, without the links, they sound vague as fuck).
Notes: Klown:
-title sequence is an homage to that one guy from the 40's who did title sequences just like it. i forget his name, but he was american and, like, the king trend-setter for title sequence art in cinema. my guess, this super-hip retro shoutout has little-to-nothing to do with the movie and more to do with impressing pop-culture ruined hipsters like me.
-i said it before when i found out about this movie, but dude looks like the danish version of toby huss (aka artie: "the strongest man...(greek muscleman flex)...in the world!" from Pete and Pete).
-10 minutes: dude just woke up after a low-key Fitgeraldian spring gala to find a frumpy-looking kid eating biscuits in the kitchen.
danish toby huss: what are you doing here?
kid: you're babysitting me.
toby huss scratches his ass, confused, before walking out of the room.
the night before, toby huss and his girlfriend were talking about her being pregnant and his non-readiness to become a father.
please, God, don't let this be the danish arthouse version of Big Daddy...
-fifteen minute-mark: one dude at a book club looks like dude-who-isn't-lars-von-trier from The Five Obstructions
-is this movie even danish? where did that idea come from? the actors sound danish--but how the fuck would i know the difference between danish and swedish or any other language that people who look like Nazi-engineered ABBA-bots speak?
-this guy's house is big and empty-looking and all the walls are white. was this a conscious character-reflecting decision by the director; laziness on the production team's part; or something overlooked, maybe realized later and dismissed as important? i'm really not a stickler when it comes to details like these in movies, but white walls bother me like nails on a chalkboard.
-18 minute-mark: abbot and costello-style gag involving masturbation--specifically, toby huss masturbating on someone's face, who he thinks is someone else. built on a weak premise (toby huss's friends tell him women like it when you give them a pearl necklace--i.e. masturbating onto and around their neck), but still kind of funny--mainly becaue of who the mystery person is (not the kid as i was thinking, but someone almost equally wrong [is there a right person?] to masturbate on).
-20 minutes: this is like a cologne-ad version of Curb Your Enthusiasm starring a bunch of underwear models and their hot wives. are these people supposed to look normal? because they don't, even by actor standards. i've always heard that northern european people are pretty but, judging by this movie, their 5's look like our 8-10's.
20 min.: in the land of danes, even the ugly people are pretty
22 min: toby huss is preparing to embark on a canoe trip with his friend, who looks like the armani model version of david lynch. cue the 90's disney-movie catch: they've been saddled with the 12 year-old who toby huss woke up to eating biscuits in his kitchen. i think i see where this is going and it kind of reminds me, loosely, and more in tone, of the hangover: guys looking for a boys-night-out excursion only to have their plans derailed by the one person--in this case, the 12 year old boy--who makes it hard for them to do all the sinful things they don't want their wives to find out about. when this movie gets re-made in america, zach galifianakis will play the 12 year-old boy and will be called the hangover 4.
25 min: "man-flirting" i can't tell if i'm sick of this style of men-can-be-effiminate humor ("bromances", etc.) or i like it because--yeah, i think it's ok for men to relax their Hemingway complexes a little bit and be human. i agree with what they're saying, but i don't think it's funny. i guess.
30: toby huss and david lynch are getting settled in at the campsite. toby huss wants to spend time with the kid, so he can prove to his girlfriend that he's daddy material. meanwhile, david lynch wants to chase high school poon, which is why he's asked to set up camp next to where a group of high school girls on a class field trip is staying.
toby huss: blah blah blah i want to be a daddy blah blah
david lynch: but i want to fuck these high school girls
toby huss: all you think about is pussy
in addition to being so many other sleeper-hit american comedies, this movie is also the danish Sideways
35: after night-one on this little trip, david lynch just came canoeing back to the campsite, nude, screaming at toby huss and the little kid that they need to get away as quick as possible, revealing, in between throwing shit around and packing up the canoe, that he tried to bone one of the high school girls and now the male leader and some of the high school boys on the trip are after him. so, pretty much: the exact same scene as that one in Sideways when paul pig vomit giamatti wakes up in the hotel room to his friend, telling him in a panicked frenzy, that he's just boned a spoken-for waitress and her husband wanted to kill him. in both cases, the two "pussy-hounds" ran home naked, pleading with their pushover friends to help them out of a sex-related jam.
40-50 min.: just occurred to me, it would make sense if that one dude from the book club scene is the dude from the five obstructions, barring my theory that this film is danish is right, since the five obstructions is danish and i think the-guy-who-isn't-lars-von-trier is danish, too. what other language would lars von trier be speaking to him in?
So, there it is: my notes while watching Klown. You'll notice that they stop abruptly at the "40-50" minute mark but that's only because, being as worn-out as I am (did I mention, in my totally not-baiting-for-sympathy way, that I was in the ER this weekend?), I soon got tired of constantly having to pause the film and record my thoughts. Plus, at that point, I could kind of tell where the film was going and I didn't think there was anything else I needed to say.
I encourage anyone who's up for it to watch the film--or any other film--and, literally, compare their notes with mine. In a way, it will be like we watched the movie together!
Depending on what kind of feedback I get from Jim Jim the Trashcan Man, I might make this a regular Breakfast feature. It sure as hell beats taking the time to do a proper movie review.
EDIT: I just looked it up and the Dude From the Five Obstructions, though Danish, is not in this movie.
Keep it up, yo, I approve!
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